Six people unwittingly find themselves locked in another series of escape rooms, slowly uncovering what they have in common to survive. Joining forces with two of the original survivors, they soon discover they’ve all played the game before.
It took four people to write “Escape Room: Tournament of Champions.” In case that didn’t register, allow me to repeat with more clarity: it took FOUR professional screenwriters to piece together what is essentially a dumbed-down, PG-13 version of “Saw,” a sequel to a poorly-reviewed, bargain-basement horror flick. That’s more screenwriters than worked on “Citizen Kane.” Or “Casablanca.” They must’ve been trapped in some sort of an escape room of their own, with the clock ticking, having to scribble something before the big-wigs sliced off their genitals. What other explanation could there be for this resulting insufferable ordeal?
Within seconds, the film provides a recap, a rapid-fire rundown of what happened last time. In the age of serialized content, it only makes sense for a sequel to stamp a “previously on,” prior to delving right back into the thick of it. Those who have seen the original will be annoyed by this needless recounting (side-note: why the hell are these people coming back for seconds anyway?), while newbies like me are bound to be left utterly confused. Wait, who went under the ice? Wait, ICE in an ESCAPE ROOM? Wait, did anyone actually die? Wait, what happened to Zoey’s mom, and how is that relevant? Wait, who set up these elaborate escape rooms, and to what purpose? Wait, why were these specific kids chosen? Wait, what the fuuuuck?
The most annoying part is, no introduction or recap is necessary. The plot is so bare-bones and brittle, it’s a wonder it doesn’t just fold under its own flimsy weight. It’s all about the titular gimmick: the escape room, characters and backstory, and anything else, you know, cinematic, be damned. The plot: Ever since Zoey (Taylor Russell) and Ben (Logan Miller) went through the horrifying events of “Escape Room,” she’s been seeking closure, sensing impending doom. Lo and behold: after a bunch of expository shit, their train — which also happens to have other past escape room survivors — gets detached and derailed, and soon, um, turns into an electrical escape room. Just bear with me here.
What follows is a series of escape rooms, with clues that our heroes have to solve before they’re, say, sliced by lasers into cubes. (Speaking of, the now-classic “Cube” film series played on the idea of an escape room way before there even were any escape rooms; the lasers here seem to have been stolen directly from these films.) “ER: TOC” is PG-13. So either a) no one will end up getting sliced by lasers into cubes, or b) it’ll happen quickly and off-screen, or c) they’ll die in a less gruesome fashion. The poorly thought-out escapes are possibly the biggest let-down, as the audience rarely gets to feel like it’s participating in the quest and sequentially solving puzzles. Things just fall into the characters’ laps, and then they figure it out. Onto the next.
Taylor Russell’s performance in Trey Edward Shults’s “Waves” was incredible. In that film, the young actress was given the opportunity to display a wide range of emotions; she spoke almost in a whisper, drawing you into her troublesome world. No one in their right mind would expect anything like “Waves” going into the sequel to “Escape Room” but it’s still sacrilegious just how little plot Russell is given to work with here. A bit more stoic and determined than her peers, she is ultimately just a device, a chess piece being moved around to propel the lackluster plot along. Logan Miller does his best with the flat zingers. I’ve already forgotten the rest of the cast.
Perhaps the only more-or-less innovative part of the film is the artificial beach sequence, and even then, the mind can’t help but ponder all the missed opportunities, considering the set-up. Suspending your disbelief isn’t enough here. You’ll have to suspend your intelligence and self-respect before experiencing this beautifully shot pile of garbage.
In Theaters Friday, July 16th
