When a relaxing getaway turns deadly, a former Marine must risk his life to save his wife and best friend from a modern-day pirate while facing the ghosts of the war he left behind.
David (Griff Furst) enters a bar joining his old marine buddy John played by Casper Van Dien, who I haven’t seen since “Starship Troopers.” The two men are mourning the loss of a friend and fellow soldier. John mentions David’s exemplary war record and then a newscaster appears onscreen. Two other men begin to make misogynistic comments about the anchorwoman and then David mentions that she’s his wife. The two trolls continue to spit their vitriol until David attacks them. The sloppy fight scene was my first red flag, some horrible editing and camera angles were just a piece of the awful filmmaking that I was in store for. The bartender says, “Hey, out of my bar, I don’t care if you are a war hero.” John then explains that the two cops called to the assault are going to give him a pass since he’s a war hero, and “it wouldn’t look right.” David returns to his wife and the two interact like manufactured bots on Twitter. She smiled so much I definitely think she’d been abusing her medication. She shows him the newspaper, and what do you know, there’s an article on the front page about a war hero’s return home. So in about 10 minutes, we’ve been given multiple expository remarks about his “heroic” past. This writer must still think we have ticker-tape parades for soldiers like it’s V-Day or something. John convinces David, the greatest soldier in the history of the world, to take a boat cruise with his wife as the third wheel.
The moment David steps aboard, John is cucking him so hard and is very handsy with news lady wife. I love the setting being the US Virgin Islands but that’s all “Dead Water” has going for it. The music is really poorly composed and mixed. The director really likes using drone footage to a detriment, ultimately missing the mark for such a beautiful place. John is a heavy drinker and also creepily watches David and the news lady having sex. After a long, dull hour, things take a turn when McLean (Judd Nelson) a modern-day swashbuckler, shoots David and takes command of their luxury yacht.
“Dead Water” has a heavy-handed title with such little transpiring. I was hoping for some cheesy Lifetime Channel type of fare. The cast leaves much to be desired. They don’t have palpable motivations or intentions. The characters are so thinly written it’s like the writer was throwing a dart at a board of post-it notes filled with action clichés. The predictable ending doesn’t come soon enough and I was thankful when it was all over. I wouldn’t even recommend this as a fun hate-watch.
Available on Blu-ray™ (plus Digital), DVD, and Digital September 17th from Lionsgate
