In the waning years of the Ming Dynasty, the Bruneian Empire wants to offer a rare creature to the nation as a gift and has tasked Ocean, a member of the Imperial Secret Police, to capture and tame the beast. Upon discovering the beast’s gentle and kind nature, Ocean works in secret to release the beast back to the wild, keeping it from being turned into a killing machine.
The trailer for “Kung Fu Monster” came across as a little cheesy but I didn’t put too much faith in it because in general, trailers can be very misleading but if I am to be perfectly honest, it actually undersold its product. To put it simply, “Kung Fu Monster” has no idea what it wants to be. A kung fu movie? Nope. A monster movie? Nope. Scary? Ha! Filled with unnecessary ’70s slapstick reminiscent of such classics as “Blazing Saddles,” “The Jerk,” “Young Frankenstein,” and the “Carry On” franchise? Check! And that is where “Kung Fu Monster” fails. Miserably. It tries desperately to combine as many genres as it can and as a result, falls flat on its face.
It tells the story of an unusual creature that is gifted from the Bruneian Empire to the Wanli Emperor Zhu Yijun, a cruel and sadistic man who kills whenever he feels like it. He tasks Feng Sihai (Louis Koo), the leader of his Imperial Secret Police, to tame the creature by using whatever violent means necessary but when Feng Sihai discovers the creature is friendly and affectionate, he quietly releases it into the wild and then disappears into the night.
Now a fugitive on the run, Emperor Zhu Yijun puts out a bounty on both Feng Sihai and the creature that is so big, greed takes over the entire nation as they all fall over themselves and fight with each other, hoping to capture the outlaw and the elusive creature. Seeking refuge in a run-down hotel in the desert, Feng Sihai meets his one true love but they are ambushed by a group of rebels who want to turn him over to the emperor for their reward but through Feng Sihai and his lover’s affection for each other, they realize they are on the wrong side and team up with them when Emperor Zhu Yijun turns up along with his army. And just when things are looking bad for our hapless heroes, the small creature appears and to everyone’s surprise, turns into a huge, monstrous entity that helps turn the tables on the emperor and his barbaric ways.
The production design is amazing, as well as the cinematography but that is all the film has going for it. At one point, the central characters even break out into song, yep, that’s right, a kung-fu-monstrous-scary-slapstick-filled-musical. The humor is so forced and embarrassing it makes you wish you were watching any of Ealing’s “Carry On” movies from the ’60s because at least they worked for their time and were genuinely funny. The CGI of the creature is absolutely horrendous and at times, it is painfully obvious they stole the look and characteristics from Gizmo, the adorable critter from Joe Dante’s superior “Gremlins” and I swear to you, when it is full-grown and roars, it sounds like Chewbacca from Star Wars. “Kung Fu Monster” utilizes outdated farcical scenarios that might have raised a chuckle in the ’70s, possibly even the ’80s but today doesn’t even raise a smirk. Maybe next time, director Andrew Lau will stick to making more serious fare like his brilliant “Infernal Affairs” and its two subsequent sequels.
Available on Blu-ray™ & Digital October 8th
