War-hungry teddy bears journey from boot camp to the psychedelic terrors of the Magic Forest in this darkly beautiful horror animation.
*clears throat* Let me get this straight: A group of cuddly animated teddy bears are at holy war against talking unicorns who live in the magic forest, and the movie follows a recruits journey from jealous private Pyle-type soldier into the religious fanatic commander in a murderous, psychedelic, horrifying animated war film. What sounds like a bit is actually a feature-length film with intricate storytelling. Never mind the mash-up of popular children’s cartoons with “Apocalypse Now,” this movie goes way beyond satire to deliver an honestly told narrative about the horrors of war and its effects on the indoctrinated kids it creates. “Unicorn Wars” starts as a funny joke but quickly moves past the veneer of sophomoric humorous contrast in favor of narratively dark storytelling that’s engrossing and genuinely messed up.
Meet Bluey; he’s the latest Bear to join the war against the Unicorns alongside his obese brother Tubby. Together the two struggle to fit into their company of PFCs featuring the Cuddly-Wuddly twins, Panda, Blackie, and more. While Bluey’s attempts to be the best of the unit drive him to extremes, Tubby fails out of the corps with every effort to impress. When the corps gets sent on a made-up mission to rescue the Lone Owl Unit deep in the magical forest, they encounter a dangerous world full of poisonous snakes, hallucinogenic caterpillars, and plenty of murderous rampages. It’s a world that meshes “The Care Bears” with “Full Metal Jacket” in a no-holds-barred attempt to paint war, cuddly or otherwise, as utterly spiteful.
The movie’s one-line gag might seem worn incredibly thin. At the beginning of our platoon’s story, the joke roll one after another: they wield bows with heart arrows, they’re at Camp Heart, and they all jockey to be the cutest Bear in the company. It wears out its welcome, but by the twenty-minute mark, we realize that’s the end of the jokes. Its macabre contrast completely breaks down, and even though we’re watching adorable talking bears, we start to regard them as the self-serious soldiers they pretend to be.
The war against unicorns is a farce made up by military leaders to retain power. This story is unique because it doesn’t rest in its satire of the stringent army life. It hones in on Bluey and his brother Tubby. Their story gets told to us in flashbacks over time, revealing the true depravity of Bluey. When their parents divorce, Bluey resents his mother for finding a new lover, and eventually, this drives him mad as he tries to be a better son than his genuinely-lovable brother Tubby. The two brothers are set at odds from the very beginning, and while they chant ‘good unicorn, dead unicorn’ to a pink flag, we expect Tubby won’t stay on the side of the bears.
As if this wasn’t enough, the Bears are motivated by God and the church to wage this war. A priest named Father Eggs the soldiers on a mission to drink the last unicorn’s blood and restore God to paradise. Its zealotry sinks in throughout the film and helps shape one of the scariest antagonists I’ve seen in a film in many years. This movie combines military bluster with religious zealotry and finds the one character most motivated to succeed. It creates a sociopath hellbent on a mission none of the soldiers fully understand. The only context for this war is a biblical genesis story relayed through a fanatic’s eyes.
This movie is genuinely dark and twisted. I admire how it refuses to deus ex machina an answer out of it. It sticks to its guns (pun intended) and sees the story through from beginning to end, although the effect is disastrous. Expect brutally shocking violence and gore. Expect cursing. Expect minor bear genitalia (yes, you read that correctly). Mostly expect to feel hollowed out by the end as Tubby and Bluey reach their climactic finale. That it’s trippy only accentuates what makes it suitable in the first place: it’s not afraid to go all in.
Now Playing in Select Theaters and On-Demand
