Deborah, 25, and M, 27, are living in bodies that Western medicine — and often society — deems too taboo to discuss publicly. Like an estimated 1.7 percent of people, they were born with variations in their sex characteristics that were different from classical understandings of male or female. For M, growing up intersex has also meant grappling with the fact that she underwent medically unnecessary surgeries to “normalize” her body as a very young child. But when M finds Deborah online, she is introduced to new voices, language, and representations that allow her to expand her…
I have to admit, I had no idea what the term Intersex meant until it was explained from a medical and personal standpoint in this documentary. With the world slowly recognizing others who do not fall into the male or female category, I find this story exhilarating in terms of accepting and attempting to normalize one’s uniqueness.
Born with both male and female sex organs, M was considered abnormal and her sexual identity was forced upon her at a young age. Because her parents thought she physically appeared more female, they made the decision to have her male genitalia removed and the female one reconstructed so she would have what society considers a true sexual identity. Without an explanation from her parents regarding her frequent procedures, hormones and being told she would never bear children, she was led to believe cancerous ovaries were being removed.
The conversation around being intersex or what was formerly known as Hermaphroditic Disorder was considered weird, taboo and controversial, parents were often encouraged to have their children surgically altered and not discuss it. With the hopes of coming to terms with the truth about her medical history, M finally requested her records. She began speaking with physicians who performed the reconstructive surgery in order to understand why a child’s genitalia would be mutilated in order to fit into society’s standards of choosing a specific sexual identity. She also reached out to other intersex individuals in hopes to compare experiences and figure out how they cope with the sex that was chosen for them.
Although many people speak of being intersex in terms of sexual body parts, it is far more complex than genitals. M describes feeling forced to behave and look female in order to be accepted in society. She talks about her body feeling botched and only being able to take showers with her eyes closed, never looking down or even touching that area. She hasn’t ever experienced an intimate relationship with anyone and doesn’t feel compelled to out of fear, embarrassment, and shame. Most of all, there is a feeling of not being good enough, wanted or ever accepted for who she is.
One of the best moments in the film is M’s coming out moment with her sister regarding her childhood. She tells her why she spent so much time in the hospital because again, it was never openly spoken within the family. Educating her sister about being intersex offered some relief as the topic surrounding her medical problems were the elephant in the room. I felt a bit sad as she described why she has to take hormones for the rest of her life and the real reason she will never be able to have children.
As she connected with others who shared the same experiences and concerns, many questions lingered for me. What would have happened had M not undergone surgery? Who might she have chosen to be had her human rights to decide not been taken away as a child? Would she have felt shame about her own body or would she have learned to love herself fully? These were also questions M and the other individuals had as well but none could answer.
The ending is such a beautiful, pivotal moment in the film because she finally meets, face to face, with another woman named Deborah whom she has been writing with over a long period of time. Deborah shares the same story, and they both seem to be the first that each other has opened up to and you see them slowly move towards self-empowerment. What a great film, very inspiring!
“No Box For Me: An Intersex Story” recently premiered at the 2019 Human Rights Watch Film Festival
