[yasr_overall_rating]
A young man living a sheltered life develops a crush on a stripper and joins her Alcoholics Anonymous group just so he can be in the same room with her.
There’s no denying that William H. Macy is a phenomenal character actor. From his unforgettable turn as the down-on-his-luck Jerry Lundegaard in “Fargo,” to the titular psychotic “Edmond” in David Mamet’s underrated shocker/character study, Macy imbues each role with empathy and charisma, no matter how pathetic or despicable the characters he plays are. His large, sad/kind eyes are like direct windows into his soul, a treat for any director who needs a resonant close-up. Yet as of late, Macy has decided to assume the director’s chair himself, with decidedly mixed results.
The title of his directorial debut, the 2014 drama “Rudderless,” proved to be indicative of the somewhat aimless narrative and an abrupt, overwrought twist ending that should have never been twisted. Despite its flaws (and boy, does it have flaws), at least the film deals with serious and relevant subjects like grief, loss, and school shootings, its rudderless nature anchored by strong performances from Billy Crudup, Anton Yelchin, and Felicity Huffman. The fact that Macy followed up three years later with “The Layover” – a sexist, witless, badly acted piece of rom-com drivel (currently holding the rarefied 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes) – left a lot of his fans scratching their heads. What went wrong?
Everyone gets a misstep though. Studio interference, creative disputes, an obsession with Kate Upton, a juicy paycheck – any number of factors could have affected the stalwart, resulting in this turd of a film (though one would think he’d detect the stink a mile away, with his enviable experience). Perhaps some folks are just meant to be in front of the camera, not behind it. Perhaps Macy is a performer, not an orchestrator. I was looking forward to “Krystal” – Macy’s latest film about strippers, alcoholics, diseases, and losers – proving me wrong. It didn’t.
From the first few moments, it becomes evident that “Krystal” is firmly rooted in Lifetime territory. The preternaturally handsome Taylor (Nick Robinson) is a teenager with a heart condition, who stays away from the troubling world, keeping to the beach to stay calm. Anything can trigger a panic attack – including a dead puppy and a titty magazine – so when Taylor encounters the goddess-like Krystal (Rosario Dawson), he’s instantly enamored, convulses and passes out. She joins him in “pass-out land” moments later, fainting at the sight of needles at the hospital – much to Dr. Farley’s (William Fichtner) amusement.
Taylor works at an art gallery for the eternally optimistic Vera (Kathy Bates), his guru of sorts. When he spots Krystal strolling down the street, Taylor stalks – sorry – follows her to an AA meeting, where – lo and behold – he happens to sit next to Vera. “I think I may have made a mistake,” he says. “Child,” Vera says with conviction only an actress of Bates’ caliber could muster. “If you’re here, it’s no mistake.” So he stays, ethics be damned, and listens to Krystal’s confession – she’s an alcoholic, a hooker, a stripper, and a heroin addict. In other words, the whole package. Naturally, Taylor falls for her. Naturally, his parents – failed poet Poppy (Felicity Huffman) and sad-sack priest Wyatt (William H. Macy) – disapprove.
Ignoring them, Taylor shamelessly steals the AA speech – and, consequently, identity – of a badass biker (you can tell how badass he is from his faux-leather Harley jacket). He woos Krystal in potentially one of the most unintentionally funny sequences of 2018 so far (how the hell could Taylor afford that chopper?). It’s all downhill from here, as Taylor meets Krystal’s wheelchair-bound son Bobby (Jacob Latimore), who’s only two years younger than him, and her abusive ex, Willie (Tip “T.I.” Harris). The ludicrousness grows proportionally to the running time: there’s a wheelchair fight-and-escape sequence, terminal illness, demonic visions, a major relapse and a hospitalization, all clumsily cobbled together to resemble… a comedy, I guess?
That’s one of the major issues of “Krystal” – it has no idea what it is. Elements of a drama, a comedy, a redemption tale, a love story, a rom-com and a thriller are all there, meshed together clumsily. Who is this film’s target audience? The copious drug use, adult themes, and language makes it unsuitable for kids or the faith-based crowd (though God and Satan are mentioned in every other sentence). The general pandering, lousy attempts at humor and prevailing sappiness will induce gagging in most adults. Drug users and alcoholics will smirk at the foolishness of its assumptions about addiction.
Robinson and Dawson have zero chemistry. The fact that the film even considers the notion of this intelligent (albeit emotionally torn) middle-aged woman falling for a teenager renders it clueless with a capital “dumb.” But then again, there is zero chemistry between anyone in the formidable cast, all seemingly doing this as a favor to Macy. Every scene is ethically misguided, tonally misjudged, sickeningly sentimental and/or poorly edited and scripted. The AA speeches are particularly grating.
In lieu of further dissection, here are some dialogue snippets from “Krystal” for you to chew on:
- “Shame dulls my memory.”
- “Who needs Satan when we have Republicans?”
- “You know what I admire about you? Your resolute cheeriness, which flies in the face of the world’s marauding armies of tragedy and darkness.”
- “I have an announcement. I’m in love.”
- “My heart is fine. My heart is in love.”
- “The devil’s been in my soul since I was seven.”
- “Anybody who believes in the devil should give people more credit.”
- “Your eyes are so deep I’m drowning in them.”
Dim-witted, lacking any subtext or depth, “Krystal” maniacally lurches from scene to scene. William H. Macy displays no sensitivity when it comes to developing nuanced characters or resonant themes. “Krystal” broke my heart in all the wrong ways, reaffirming that Macy should stick to his day job.
Available on DVD, Digital, and On Demand July 10th
