A sheriff makes a strange discovery when he’s gets called to an orchard where three teenage sisters have been attacked by a band of young delinquents.
A lame serial killer, a gruff sheriff, and some of the most cheaply costumed werewolves walk into a screenplay that had me howling for it to be over.
“Hunter’s Moon” fittingly begins with a large full moon while an old jazz ballad lingers through the air like an ideal night in New Orleans. Suddenly, that moody atmosphere is immediately jettisoned for some cheesy dialogue. Martin (Sean Patrick Flannery) is working hard, “seducing” a college-aged student by saying, “here’s an elegant glass of wine for an elegant lady.” He doubles down on his wretched dialogue and says, “I bet those college kids don’t know how to treat you.” It turns out that elegant glass of wine is laced with some kind of powerful sedative, and bizarrely, Martin yells at his unconscious victim. As soon as she’s passed out, Martin awkwardly begins to choke her to death. Without a moment’s hesitation, he digs a grave, then a howl is heard in the distance. Fortunately, Martin is dragged off-screen by some kind of large creature, I wonder what it could be?
Enter the Delaneys, a supremely miscast family heading to their new home, which may or not have been previously occupied by Martin. Thomas (Jay Mohr) is the patriarch and seems to harbor a dangerous temper, especially when he’s butting heads with his daughter Juliet (Katrina Bowden). To really reiterate the miscast choices, Juliet is spoken to like a pre-teen when the actor is clearly in her thirties.
For some reason, their new home is described as creepy and antiquated but it’s just a modern McMansion that looks to have been built within the last 30 years. It’s ridiculous that the production design did nothing to create atmosphere, or at the very least, a memorable set. One night Thomas and Mrs. Delaney (Amanda Wyss) leave town for a trip and the three daughters end up hosting a few delinquents that look straight out of the Disney channel. The noise from the party draws the attention of the local Sheriff (Thomas Jane). Jane is the only actor who doesn’t look like a total mess and is actually taking his role seriously. Things go south after his investigation but the story doesn’t get any better. For a werewolf feature, I’m wondering why there are only like five minutes of monster screen time, what gives?
I find it perplexing that these movies get made. I have so many questions: Who is funding them, who actually wants to see these, are they part of some money laundering scheme for a desperate producer? I can lower my expectations for a film no matter how low-budget but some of these former big-name starring straight-to-DVDs are tough to watch. I still love Thomas Jane and hope he avoids the inevitable sequel tease that’s crammed in post-credits.
Available on DVD, Digital, and On-Demand March 24th from Lionsgate
