Love is to have, desire is to want. “Talking About Adultery” is a documentary essay about the human struggle for both. A film about what marriage means in today’s world and what is it that we all strive for.
I am super intrigued by this documentary because the topic, when honestly addressed, appears to be uncomfortable as it stirs up intense negative emotions without any attempt to understand all points of view. I don’t have a definitive idea of why some people have affairs because I do believe everyone is entitled to the relationship they want, even if society doesn’t agree with it and the reality is, some couples don’t mind sharing their partners.
This documentary gives us juicy, intimate interviews (faceless of course) with various individuals who have engaged in open relationships or have had secret affairs. The question I think everyone is dying to know is why? Why would someone fall in love, commit to a relationship just to search for another behind their partner’s back?
From what I’ve come to understand, a huge part of the issues most people have with adultery is not solely about the actual relationship itself. It stems from the idea of what a partnership or marriage should be. Marriage has always been advertised as the ultimate form of happiness, a fantasy we must eventually submit to in order to be considered mature settled adults. No matter how unnatural it feels for some to be with the same person for decades and abide by rules they didn’t set, these people must somehow “make it work” or they are seen as failures and what’s never spoken about or publicized is the reality of intimacy and how attraction fades with time, so ideally, society sets everyone up to struggle or fail.
One of the male subjects admits to having an affair with his wife due to lack of romance and desire he no longer experienced after 20 years of marriage. He speaks about the human necessity to feel sexual chemistry within an intimate relationship but he felt more like sister and brother than lovers, which created the deep need to fill that void elsewhere. The easy response would be to find ways to make the relationship exciting again, but do you realize how long 20 years is? In 20 years I’ll have a full head of grey hair and be able to apply for Medicare. Within that time frame so many changes will occur within my life it’s impossible to predict what will happen.
One couple admits to having an open relationship and the complexities and jealousy it caused, mainly on the woman’s end. She wasn’t bothered that her husband was sleeping with another woman, her concern was the family resources being depleted if he tried to wine and dine her with gifts or fancy hotels. One mistress admitted to falling in love with a married man who wouldn’t leave his wife and kids as he promised. When she became pregnant the reality hit and he became more distant, I guess the fun wore off. Exploring the real intricate parts of relationships, this documentary does a great job of revealing the evolution of intimate relationships that happens when couples bend or break the rules society has created. Whether you think adultery is right or wrong, you will definitely never think about it the same way again.
“Talking About Adultery” recently had its North American Premiere at DOC NYC
