[yasr_overall_rating]
The pastor of a landmark church is the sole hold-out in a Philadelphia neighborhood earmarked for gentrification. But soon, the spirits of congregational members past begin to make their displeasure known. Who are the righteous among them?
Inanimate objects being the scary antagonist never works for me. It’s been done for years, most memorably in movies like “Christine” and “Maximum Overdrive,” both being Stephen King adaptations. In “Christine” and “Maximum Overdrive,” unoccupied cars are preying on unsuspecting victims. It feels the same as when characters battling natural catastrophes in big disaster blockbusters. Hollow narratives like these are existentially redundant and aren’t compelling. This time the evil force isn’t a haunted house or a rubber tire, it’s a church!
“The Church” opens with an unsubtle Bible quote, smash cuts to “heavenly skies” that look more like a screen saver or the Studio Canal logo, and onto the streets of Philadelphia. Two brothers in a dive bar are full of exposition as they dreadfully describe their grievances with a local church. The brothers declare that if the local pastor would sell his church to developers it would greatly benefit the neighborhood. After getting good and drunk to confront the Pastor, they instead wind up as the first victims. The thin plot focuses on hilariously shady developers, the pastor trying to keep his parish afloat, and the silent but deadly Church.
To be fair, there are some great aerial shots showing off the city of brotherly love and some good uses of local locations, although the plot and editing are constantly unintentionally funny. Scenes reaching for gravitas fall flat and turn into comedic gold. Even the actor Bill Moseley, usually an excellent horror staple, is unmemorable and even feels out of place. The writing is chock full of religious puns and other cringe-worthy dialogue. The technical aspects of the filmmaking leave much to be desired. The lighting guy is perhaps the true villain, overdoing most scenes and sets. We need more films set and made in Philadelphia, I hope the director gets the script, budget, and crew he needs for his next feature.
In theaters October 5th
