A giant crocodile is killing and frightening people living near rivers. Two men whose wives have been killed by the crocodile decide to chase and eliminate it.
When Steven Spielberg unleashed “Jaws” in 1975, he probably had no clue that his iconic blockbuster would birth a tidal wave of aquatic horror knockoffs. Movies like “The Last Shark,” “Devil Fish,” “Barracuda,” “Orca: The Killer Whale,” “Alligator,” and “Crocodile” (yes, that’s the one we’re about to dive into) shamelessly rode the coattails of Spielberg’s masterpiece, most of them sinking to the depths of cinematic despair.
Sure, “Jaws” also inspired some delightfully cheesy flicks like “Tremors,” “The Meg,” “Deep Blue Sea,” and “The Shallows.” But let’s be honest, nothing could ever outswim the original. Not even its own sequels.
Now, about that crocodile movie… Imagine this: two doctor buddies, Tony Akom (Nat Puvani) and John Stromm (Min Oo), head to the beach in Pattaya with their better halves for a relaxing weekend. Next thing you know, the ladies vanish into thin air, never to be seen again. The docs are left scratching their heads until they discover some gnarly remains and a trail of destruction pointing to a supersized, possibly radiation-mutated crocodile as the culprit. Armed with nothing but a local fisherman named Tanaka (Manop Asavatep) and a bad idea, they vow to hunt down the beast before it strikes again.
Calling “Crocodile” a bad movie is like calling a shark a fish – a massive understatement. This movie is the cinematic equivalent of a trainwreck that you can’t look away from. It’s tailor-made for the “Mystery Science Theater 3000” treatment, with Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot ripping it to shreds. The special effects? Think of toy models dangling from apparent strings. The crocodile’s glowing red eyes? More like a desperate attempt to make it visible in the poorly lit night scenes. The acting? Let’s just say the actors’ performances were as wooden as the model crocodile.
The whole shebang – from the cringe soundtrack to the laughable plot twists – is a masterclass in how not to make a movie. The “thrilling” finale features our heroes blowing up the crocodile (very “Jaws” of them), followed by an abrupt THE END title card. You can almost hear the filmmakers sighing in relief that they finally ran out of money.
The movie’s one shocking moment involves a real crocodile getting slashed to death in a marketplace. No points for guessing why the American Humane Association gave it a big fat “unacceptable.” If you’re in the mood for a so-bad-it’s-good movie night, “Crocodile” is your guilty pleasure. Just remember, you asked for this.
Available on Blu-ray™ July 9th from Synapse Films
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